Sony Got Hacked. Let’s Victim Shame Them!

by Adam Hammer on December 18, 2014

Sony was hacked. The biggest hack in hack history. Unless you count Carlos Mencia’s career. The stolen information included employee names, payroll details, medical records, social security numbers and a couple of salacious email exchanges between rich people. That thing that one Sony exec said to the other Sony exec about Angelina Jolie was so naughty! I almost dropped my Bon-bons when I read it. *Tee-hee*

The hackers wanted Sony to pull the film The Interview. They threatened to release information if Sony didn’t pull the movie. Sony stood their ground. The hackers followed through on their threat by letting the world know that Adam Sandler ain’t so great to work with.

Then, the hackers threatened to release more data if Sony didn’t pull the film. Sony still stood their ground. The hackers released emails between execs calling Kevin Hart a whore and wondering whether the President prefers 12 Years A Slave to Django Unchained. Oooh! There’s nothing more titillating than executive level racism. Where are my bon bons?

Then, the hackers – who were now 2 of 2 for following through on threats – threatened a 9/11 style attack if Sony released the film. Sony pulled the film in the interest of safety for the public and their employees. I know. I was shocked too. A multi-national, multi-billion dollar company making a decision in the interest of their employees and the public? Sony took what will amount to a more than $100 million hit in the interest of the public and their employees, meanwhile Wal-Mart still tries to figure out new and interesting ways to not pay their employees.
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Where the F*CK have I been??

by Adam Hammer October 9, 2013

I know the question on the tip of nobody’s tongue: “Where the fuck has Adam Hammer been?” Well… Twenty twelve was a rough year for me. In April my dad went to jail for what the state calls “Lewd and Lascivious Acts With A Minor Aged 14-16”, what my friends call “some sick ass pedophile […]

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Dear Liberal Friends

by Adam Hammer August 1, 2012

I’ll get to the student loans in a second, but first: Liberal friends, I love you guys. I know you have all the best intentions in the world. I share in your disdain for the social conservatives but, can one of you tell Obama to stop helping me, please? I’m good. I got it covered. […]

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I Want Your Vote

by Adam Hammer July 30, 2012

Stand-up comedy isn’t a contest. Comedians usually get along with each other. We’re friends. When somebody tells me after a show “You were my favorite tonight, the rest of the people sucked.” Another audience member is telling a different comedian the same thing across the room. Then the audience leaves and the other comedian and […]

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Mitt Romney Speaks at the NAACP

by Adam Hammer July 11, 2012

In an attempt to appeal to black voters, Mitt Romney addressed the NAACP today at their annual convention in Houston. Here’s the transcript for those of you that missed it. Um. Hello. Good afternoon. Or “good afternoont” as Madea might say. I’m honored to be here and thank you for having me. (CHECKS FOR HIS […]

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