Where the F*CK have I been??

by Adam Hammer on October 9, 2013

Remember this guy?

I know the question on the tip of nobody’s tongue: “Where the fuck has Adam Hammer been?”

Well…

Twenty twelve was a rough year for me. In April my dad went to jail for what the state calls “Lewd and Lascivious Acts With A Minor Aged 14-16”, what my friends call “some sick ass pedophile shit” and what I call “good old fashioned creepy old man dick wigglin’.”

Potato. Pot-ah-to.

This threw me into a spiral which pushed my marriage and career to the brink of collapse, BUT managed to greatly improve my alcohol tolerance. It helps to find the positive.

After five months of my dad keeping his dirty shames a secret from his family, never telling us what actually happened and letting us find out by combing through his Facebook messages between him and strange men of all ages, he died. In jail.

Turns out you don’t get the best cancer treatment in jail. I guess I’ll have to rethink my retirement plans. [Continue reading…]

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Dear Liberal Friends

by Adam Hammer August 1, 2012

I’ll get to the student loans in a second, but first: Liberal friends, I love you guys. I know you have all the best intentions in the world. I share in your disdain for the social conservatives but, can one of you tell Obama to stop helping me, please? I’m good. I got it covered. […]

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I Want Your Vote

by Adam Hammer July 30, 2012

Stand-up comedy isn’t a contest. Comedians usually get along with each other. We’re friends. When somebody tells me after a show “You were my favorite tonight, the rest of the people sucked.” Another audience member is telling a different comedian the same thing across the room. Then the audience leaves and the other comedian and […]

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Mitt Romney Speaks at the NAACP

by Adam Hammer July 11, 2012

In an attempt to appeal to black voters, Mitt Romney addressed the NAACP today at their annual convention in Houston. Here’s the transcript for those of you that missed it. Um. Hello. Good afternoon. Or “good afternoont” as Madea might say. I’m honored to be here and thank you for having me. (CHECKS FOR HIS […]

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Mitt Romney Pays WAY Too Much In Taxes

by Adam Hammer January 29, 2012

This blog may get weird. I was at the dentist today spending the last of what’s left on my credit card’s available balance having a temporary crown put in. The real crown won’t be in for 2 weeks. That’s how much time I have to find $160 to pay the balance. Otherwise, I don’t know… […]

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