BUSH vs OBAMA – The Oil Spill

by Adam Hammer on July 11, 2010

Obama and Bush

Real Men of Genius

This is my first blog on my updated site. I plan on having more of these on a semi-regular basis. This probably won’t be the funniest, but fuck off. It’s my first one. When were you ever the best at your first attempt? That’s what I thought.

Now read why I think George Bush would have taken care of this Oil Spill much better and quicker than what Obama’s doing…

It’s July 11th and oil has been spilling for 111 days. We’re coming up on 3 months of greasy pelicans, petroleum Jellyfish and blackened shrimp. That’s a quarter of 2010 spent trying to figure out how to keep Mother Earth’s diarrhea inside her gaping hole. This is happening under the watch of President Obama – a “green” minded Democrat. The president that scoffed at the idea of “drill baby drill” is now letting the Gulf of Mexico turn into the La Brea tar pits.

This wouldn’t be happening under George Bush. For all the incompetence that man possessed he would not have let something like this tarnish the good name of Oil. Especially when it’s gushing this close to his ranch. He would’ve enlisted the help of Dutch Response Teams with all the tools in place to stop and clean up an oil spill in less time than you can say “against US regualtions.”

He would’ve stopped the spill, not talked about it. “Step aside BP, I got this one.”

Bush would’ve gone in there – guns a blazing – closed up the well and America would’ve turned a blind eye to the event and completely forgotten about that oil spill that happened way back in April. He would’ve done anything to calm the discontent America now has on any type of oil drilling. Not just sea drilling. Why? Because that’s where his money came from.

If the entire country turns their back on oil and stops buying it, how’s he gonna buy moon pies and Busch Light for his family?

And Cheney would’ve been there too! Making sure his friends at Halliburton weren’t somehow blamed for the disaster. By now they would’ve already been contracted out to build a replacement rig. Hell, the rig might already be up and running at full speed to make up lost time.

As horrible as Bush was, he knew oil. And how much money there was IN oil. The news coverage would’ve sounded like this had Bush been in office:

“A Rig went down today in the Gulf of Mexico. 4 gallons of oil got out before a response team was on hand to prevent further damage. And now, Tucker Coreman with the weather.”

Had Bush been in office this spill would have been contained quicker than a young Christian woman’s first period. And it would’ve had as much media exposure as well.

He wouldn’t have had a chance to be called a hero because the problem never would have gotten out of control.

He would’ve tried something besides talking to the oil. Diplomacy has its place Obama. Putting a moratorium on off shore drilling does not keep the good people of the Gulf States employed. It just lets the hippies put down their protests signs long enough to applaud you.

So why is this clean up taking so long?

BP is collecting the oil. And selling it. And profiting from it.

Sure they say they’re donating profits from the spill to restore wildlife habitats along the Gulf, but how’s that gonna speed up the process? That just saves a little face while they dick around and experiment on ways of containing this type of spill in the future. What the fuck do they care how long this takes? They’re turning a profit that will cover all the costs and throwing the rest of it at dying birds all while the Gulf State economies are being strangled, and the spill is encroaching on Mexico. Doesn’t matter to British Petroleum. The spill isn’t off the coast of England.

They get to dick around and have their wrists slapped so they can experiment. Meanwhile real people are suffering.

My solution to speed this up? Don’t give the money to wild life preservation. That’s a sham. There’s no benefit to the people you’ve hurt. They’ll have all the time in the world to look at pretty birds while sitting on the beach with no job – and no home – because all the fish are dead and we can’t drill anymore.

Birds don’t need your money.

Here’s what you do. Make them donate their profits to electric car research and cost effective alternative energies. And it has to be a flat out donation. No stake in the projects. Let them keep forking over money so we can discover ways to never need oil again.

I’ll bet those leaks will seal up real quick if we figure cheaper ways to drive fast and stay warm than oil… on BP’s dime.

Let’s make them mix their own Kool-Aid.

Hurry up fuckers, or you’ll be obsolete.

Then the oil is cleaned up quick, we’re on our way to more affordable fuel alternatives, and Barack Obama can still say he cares about the environment.

Conversely, I whole heartedly believe that if Barack Obama was in office during 911, Osama Bin Laden would’ve been dead by 915. There’s no way a guy named Barack Hussein Obama, who is constantly questioned about his citizenship status, serving his first term as the first Black president would take what’s coming up on 9 years to find the mastermind behind the worst attack on American soil.

He would’ve sent every soldier available from every base around the world right into Afghanistan and turned the country into an American destination spot. Think Palm Springs – FAR east.

If muslim terrorists would’ve attacked the US while he was in his first term and he didn’t catch the guys who did it? He would’ve saved a ton of money on a second bid for office… he would’ve been dead.

Those are my thoughts today. If you enjoyed them, tell a friend. There’s a little button you can click that says “share” and along with telling your friends, I think if notifies the government and your wife of all your Google searches.

Make sure to sign up on my mailing list to find out when I’ll be in a town near you. If you’re not into that, I update my Twitter daily and my Facebook less regularly so join my list of growing fake friends.

Thanks for reading. Hope to see you in person someday.

Adam Hammer

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

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Dewayne Metallo January 22, 2012 at 11:53 am

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