Mitt Romney Pays WAY Too Much In Taxes

by Adam Hammer on January 29, 2012

You're SURE this money came from poor people, right?

This blog may get weird.

I was at the dentist today spending the last of what’s left on my credit card’s available balance having a temporary crown put in. The real crown won’t be in for 2 weeks. That’s how much time I have to find $160 to pay the balance. Otherwise, I don’t know… they take the crown back?

As part of this tooth recapping procedure, I had a root canal. I asked them just to pull the tooth but they didn’t want to. I guess a man missing a tooth is bad for referral business. Thankfully my dentist is less impulsive than I and she talked me into keeping and crowning it. Now my tooth will have a crown.

King Pre-Molar.

For the root canal, they drilled everything resembling a nerve out of my tooth making my tooth completely numb. To everything. Including pain. After the procedure the dentist asked if I wanted a Vicodin prescription. She offered heavy pain killers for a tooth that can’t feel pain. She prescribed 40 pills with a refill. That is excellent for referral business.

I took my prescription to the pharmacy and 45 minutes later returned with 2 rolls of dimes to pay the copay on my fun pills. These Vicodin may not help the pain of the tooth, but they’ll help me absorb the blow of my next credit card statement.

Anyone that’s thinking about following their dreams, just shoot me an email. Let me talk you down.

Anyways, as I sat down and opened a fresh page to write this blog, I washed down two 500mg capsules of Vitamin V with my third beer of the night. Now I want to tell you what I think about Mitt Romney’s tax return. And if you’re from a blue state (or Austin, TX) you’re not gonna like it.

Mitt Romney just released his 2010 taxes on Tuesday. His 2011 taxes are on their way. According to Reuters, his projected income for the two years is about $42.5 million and he will have paid about $6.2 million. That’s just over a 16% tax rate. Well under the 35% tax rate top wage earners (read: employees) pay on their taxes. He pays roughly the same percentage in taxes that Warren Buffett pays (if Warren Buffett PAID his taxes) but about 20% less than Warren Buffett’s $60,000/year secretary.

Newt Gingrich was the one making the push for Romney to release his taxes. Gingrich made $3.1 million in 2010 and paid $994k. He paid about 31%.

Great.

Who cares what percentage they pay in taxes?

Short story on Mitt…

Mitt Romney made a bunch of money working as a venture capitalist. After college he went on to work for investment firms, then ran one, made his money, and retired with an excellent benefits package. Sort of like a public school Economics teacher. Except he knows how money actually works.

Some of the businesses he was involved in were successful and continue to be successful. The money he made while he was an EMPLOYEE was taxed at whatever the “wage earners” rate was when he got a paycheck. Instead of spending all the money he had left after taxes on iPads and ring tones, he invested it back into the market. Any money he makes on the reinvestment is called “capital gains” or “interest”. So the dollars he’s making in interest on the already-taxed-dollars he invested are taxed AGAIN, but at a lower rate.

This is how capital gains work. You want to start selling oranges on a freeway off-ramp but don’t have any money? I’ll kick you some money as long as I get a small piece of your profits. If your oranges don’t sell, I’m out of luck. If they do, glad I could help you help me a little.

Mitt Romney isn’t the only person that makes money off of capital gains. Most of the people that do, aren’t mulit-millionaires year in and year out.

After the military, my grandpa started working for Alcoa as an entry level draftsman. To give you an idea of how much he made, this was in the 50‘s and he shared a desk with an under-educated black man (just a point of reference for the times, not a judgement call you bleeding hearts). He was getting by but not “crushing it” by any means. But he saved the money he could after taxes.

He saved his money by eating leftover spaghetti from the night before for breakfast. He saved enough to mortgage a house. He saved even more to pay off his mortgage and put a down payment on a second house so he could rent out the smaller one. Eventually he put a small down payment on a wrecking yard and struck out on his own to sell used car parts. He saved even MORE to pay off the mortgage on the wrecking yard to own that as well.

All while, paying taxes, supporting a family of 5, donating 10% to his tiny neighborhood church and still finding room to save save save, invest invest invest.

He now owns a couple of small rental properties and is living comfortably. Not lavishly. Comfortably. What he can afford. He drives a Toyota. He likes Cadillacs and Ferraris (he did work with cars for a few decades) but he drives a Toyota. He worked his ass off and sacrificed fun 6 days a week for 40 years to drive a Toyota. So that he and my grandma would be comfortable during their retirement.

He has no pension. He depends on the low taxed income he gets from his capital gains to stay afloat.

I don’t know what his income is but what I do know is Mitt Romney would wipe my grandpa’s income off his shoe if he stepped in it. He’s quickly approaching 80 years of age. Medical expenses are going up. He doesn’t ask the government for anything.

But he pays his taxes. And he donates to charity.

Like Mitt Romney. Who paid everything the government asked of him (and more).

I’m not concerned with what these men pay in taxes. Tax dollars don’t go to people. They go to bureaucracy. Anytime you hear a person in government beg for higher taxes for a program that needs funding, you pay the people that run the program before the people that benefit. When you pay a non-profit, the money is closer to the source.

Mitt Romney will have paid about $6.2 million in taxes for 2010 and 2011. But he gave more than $7 million in charity. He paid almost 16% in taxes and over 17% in charity.

Granted, a lot of his charity went to the Mormon Church which I think is an evil entity that spends money to step on the rights of gays (today) and blacks (yesteryear). But technically, he gave more to charity than the government. At least that money went straight to the awful causes this power hungry fuckwad supported and not something he disagreed with.

Romney also invested in government bonds (tax free). I’m sure this money went to bailing out the car companies after it paid for some staff member’s salary. What a villain.

He donated to some positive stuff too but, this Vicodin is kicking in hard. Use your Google search bar.

Newt Gingrich however, made a mere $3.4 million and donated a whopping 2.5% to charity. Which is weird because I didn’t think Adult Friend Finder was a charity.

I’m still not sure what charities Warren Buffett’s secretary donated to.

So Newt paid 31% in taxes – which he could’ve lowered by donating more. And Romney paid 16%. And Warren Buffett’s secretary paid about 30%.

Good. On all accounts.

See, Mitt (and my grandpa) already paid their taxes on their “wage earner” income. And now that they aren’t “wage earners” they are no longer protected. Wage earners get government mandated benefits like paid overtime, a minimum wage, workers comp, discrimination and sexual harassment laws, unemployment, COBRA, sanitation laws, maternity leave, the right to sue, social security and I’m sure other things my drug addled mind can’t remember. So they are paying extra taxes for deeper levels of bureaucracy and protection. Protection from the people who cut their checks.

Meanwhile, if the market implodes or the dude running Mitt’s blind trust keels over, Mitt (and my grandpa) has no guarantees. No protections. No government backing. No bailouts. All they have is the SEC – which Mitt and my grandpa are paying handsomely for with their 15% rate.

They’re also investing in American businesses which gives struggling companies enough money to pay their employees. Who I’m sure spend their money in the economy on things like iPads and ring tones.

So no, Warren Buffett, the rich who have made their money on their own don’t owe more in taxes. They’ve paid it. What they’re doing for the economy by investing in businesses is far better than stacking their bills in their mattress because the businesses can hire more employees. Employees like my grandpa and Mitt Romney. Which gives them the opportunity to save what they can. If you feel guilty about your money, that’s on you. Pay your secretary more than $60k. Maybe you’ll feel better.

I wish some of my grandpa’s saving skills would’ve rubbed off on me. And I wish my grandpa knew how to invest like Mitt. I wouldn’t have a maxed out credit card bill. Oh well. This Vicodin is taking away the pain.

While I would never vote for Mitt Romney, I also do not begrudge his success. Or how much he gives back to a system that just siphons away the money from the people that could use it. So even though Mitt Makes millions (and my grandpa makes dozens) off of capital gains, I don’t think they owe more in taxes.

Also: DON’T DO DRUGS. Even if they’re a prescription. (Unless you’re bored). They make for weaker blogs.

Thanks for reading and PLEASE follow me on Twitter, add me on Facebook, and sign up for my Mailing List. I’d love to see you live at a show and if you like the things I write, don’t be shy why that “share” button. CHEERS!

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